During those times you get knocked off the horse, it may take a few days for you to recover and gain some confidence back. The worst thing to do here is stop pushing. As soon as you’re ready, go back out and try again; and even though it may feel like you’ve been sent right back to the beginning, you’ll quickly realise all the progress you made is still there. Sure, you may want to dabble in a few of your baby steps again just to get going, but this time you’ll sail through them because you already did them so often that they no longer trigger overly bad responses. You may even skip your very first baby steps because they seem so redundant now, and by the end of the day or a couple of days you’ll be right back to where you were before and ready to push on again.”
“In truth, those bad days aren’t necessarily even that bad. When you’re focused on moving forward, a bad moment becomes just an annoying setback rather than a defining part of you. Let’s say you’ve been pushing for a few days and then you suddenly get hit by a big moment. It might wipe you out for a week and you just want to relax and recoup for a bit (my own moments always used to wipe me out for a week when I first started). That’s fine as long as you get back on the horse again once you’re ready. Sooner or later, these bad moments will set you back only a few days before you’re ready to go again; then it’ll be one day; then it’ll be a few hours; and eventually you may suffer a moment, need to sit down somewhere quiet to recover for a second, and then once it passes you’ll feel ready to go again straight away, mere minutes later.”
“Despite the differences in their interests, areas of study, and approaches, all psychologists have one thing in common: They rely on scientific methods. Research psychologists use scientific methods to create new knowledge about the causes of behavior, whereas psychologist- practitioners, such as clinical, counseling, industrial-organizational, and school psychologists, use existing research to enhance the everyday life of others. The science of psychology is important for both researchers and practitioners. In a sense all humans are scientists. We all have an interest in asking and answering questions about our world. We want to know why things happen, when and if they are likely to happen again, and how to reproduce or change them. Such knowledge enables us to predict our own behavior and that of others. We may even collect data (i.e., any information collected through formal observation or measurement) to aid us in this undertaking. It has been argued that people are “everyday scientists” who conduct research projects to answer questions about behavior (Nisbett & Ross, 1980).
“Levels of Explanation in Psychology The study of psychology spans many different topics at many different levels of explanation, which are the perspectives that are used to understand behavior. Lower levels of explanation are more closely tied to biological influences, such as genes, neurons, neurotransmitters, and hormones, whereas the middle levels of explanation refer to the abilities and characteristics of individual people, and the highest levels of explanation relate to social groups, organizations, and cultures (Cacioppo, Berntson, Sheridan, & McClintock, 2000). 
“The same topic can be studied within psychology at different levels of explanation, as shownin Figure 1.3 “Levels of Explanation”. For instance, the psychological disorder known as depression affects millions of people worldwide and is known to be caused by biological, social, and cultural factors. Studying and helping alleviate depression can be accomplished at low levels of explanation by investigating how chemicals in the brain influence the experience of depression. This approach has allowed psychologists to develop and prescribe drugs, such as Prozac, which may decrease depression in many individuals (Williams, Simpson, Simpson, & Nahas, 2009). ”
“At the middle levels of explanation, psychological therapy is directed at helping individuals cope with negative life experiences that may cause depression. And at the highest level, psychologists study differences in the prevalence of depression between men and women and across cultures. The occurrence of psychological disorders, including depression, is substantially higher for women than for men, and it is also higher in Western cultures, such as in the United States, Canada, and Europe, than in Eastern cultures, such as in India, China, and Japan (Chen, Wang, Poland, & Lin, 2009; Seedat et al., 2009).  These sex and cultural differences provide insight into the factors that cause depression. The study of depression in psychology helps remind us that no one level of explanation can explain everything. All levels of explanation, from biological to personal to cultural, are essential for a better understanding of human behavior.”
“Thoughts do have physical power, but they must be combined with strong emotion for them to have a significant impact on your physical reality. Emotion amplifies the frequency that is broadcast into the universe, and thus creates change more rapidly. Think of it like a magnet. The stronger the emotion, the stronger the magnet. You have the choice of whether you want this magnet to attract positive situations or negative ones. It is all determined by the nature of your thoughts. Your goal should be to think extremely positive thoughts that create positive emotions. Now that you have somewhat of an understanding of the science behind the law of attraction, let me explain it in more practical terms.”
“When you think positive thoughts, you feel good. When you feel good, you have more energy, are more forward-thinking, have more confidence in your abilities, and naturally take more action towards your goals. A negative mindset will never serve you, because it will prevent you from taking any action towards your goals. If you want to live all your wildest dreams and achieve everything you are capable of achieving, then you must learn to think in a positive, optimistic manner 100% of the time. This means that you must believe that it is possible to achieve greater things. You must not view anyone as above you. You must see yourself as the greatest. Always remember that you are powerful beyond measure.”
“Some people think that it’s arrogant to think so highly of yourself and that it’s more virtuous to be humble, but who says you can’t do both? Just because you have unfailing belief in yourself doesn’t mean that you have to flaunt it and tell the world how great you are. Your positive attitude will show through your actions, and others will know how great you are just by the way you carry yourself. Never let anyone convince you that it’s okay to stoop to the level of others. Successful people never remain amongst the “common thinkers.” Successful people believe that they can achieve absolutely anything, and that is what sets them apart. Think like a successful person, and you will have no choice but to become successful.”
“Consciousness is the personal awareness of the functioning of the internal control mechanism. It fulfils a dual role; it confirms the existence of the Soul and it provides feedback of how well human behaviour conforms to the dictates of the internal control mechanism. This feedback may cause feelings ranging from extreme happiness to the deepest disappointment and unhappiness depending on the level of conformance of the human actions to the dictates of the Soul. Without Consciousness one would not be aware of the functioning or existence of the Soul!
With the definition of basic concepts completed, let us examine in greater detail the overall interaction and the outcomes resulting from the co-operation between these various elements of human existence.”
“The two concepts of “Mind” and “Soul” in conjunction with the human body determine how the behaviour of an individual appears or manifests itself to other people. The Mind representing the imagination, creativity and the individual’s internal energy, enjoys, in theory, every possible freedom; unrestricted extent to imagine, design and contemplate anything and everything it desires! In principle, there is no shred of evidence that a physical or metaphysical power exists with the capability to limit the extent of this inherent natural right to freedom. Yet as it will soon be seen, human inventiveness has found ways and methods to influence the exercising of this freedom in such a way as to be equivalent to applying restrictions to its expression.”
“It is clear from the definition that the Mind on its own does not posses the capability to implement or transform its creations, imaginations and designs into reality. The actual transformation and interface with the environment, is undertaken by the physical housing of the human existence which is none other than the human body. If therefore the body had the freedom and power to act as per the demands of the Mind then the whole planet would have been similar to an ancient Roman arena and everyone would have been in conflict with everyone else because with all people having more or less similar wants, desires and objectives the resultant confusion, destruction and in-fighting would have been beyond description.”
“The human Soul: It is the internal control mechanism consisting of a collection of rules and regulations which define the limits within which human behaviour should stay in order to conform to the requirements of interaction with other human beings and the environment in general. It can be considered as a sort of adjudicator of the suitability of activities proposed by the Mind. As stated earlier, the Soul has only an advisory role and its function is restricted to filtering proposals from the Mind by checking them against the framework of rules and regulations which have been accepted by the individual as representing the laws and references according to which the individual wants to adjust his or her behaviour. In other words, that which is called personality or character of an individual is the result of the public demonstration of the internal set of references comprising the individual’s Soul. That is why sometimes one may hear the saying” this person has no Soul” referring to a person who behaves outside of the acceptable norms of the society in which one belongs. The importance of the Soul in the expression of human behaviour is vital and critical. If for whatever reason the references used by the Soul are corrupted or false, or the link of communication between the Soul and the Mind is severed, then human behaviour will be either uncontrolled or will present serious deviation from the generally acceptable behaviour. In the discussion which follows in later chapters of this book, the organisation of references and the integrity of the Soul will be examined in greater detail. The last concept which needs to be defined is the one commonly known as “Consciousness”
“The human Mind- Many times people confuse the words “mind “and “brain” and use them in an interchangeable manner which strictly speaking is not correct. The brain is a physical organ which carries out specific processes under a fixed regime of rules producing outcomes based on the data it receives from the body sensors. But the brain is not capable of determining, on its own, either the task to be performed or the purpose which will be served by such performance. This is where the concept of human Mind enters the discussion. In simple terms one could think of the Mind as being the combination of a physical entity, the brain and the entity commonly referred to as human Spirit. This Spirit is the internal energy and driving force behind one’s creativity and imagination. It enjoys every possible freedom to direct the brain’s tasks towards imagining, conceptualizing, designing and creating anything which is within the limits of “logic” and the limits of “possibility”. One will be correct in considering the Spirit to be the motivator and initiator of every single human activity, thought or imagination. Utilising the capability of the brain, the wants, desires or designs of the Spirit are processed in a logical sequence and they are transformed, if possible, into tangible and defined outcomes. It is obvious that without either the brain or the Spirit the Mind has no meaning, or substance. A brain on its own cannot produce any outcomes because it lacks the energy and the motivation which can only be provided by the Spirit. Similarly the Spirit on its own is unable to logically process any sort of data or input because it lacks the processing capability. But these two elements together form a completely functioning unit which in the final analysis provides the distinction between higher and lower forms of life, with the differentiating characteristic being that of “reasoning” and “creating”. It is important to remember that as far as the internal processes are concerned they are hidden from any outside observer and the only one aware of their existence and outcomes is the person whose Mind produced these outcomes. In turn, the Mind on its own is incapable of communicating anything to the outside world and therefore it is in need of two things; the first one is the assistance of the physical body, which is the interface between the human being and its environment; the second thing needed is a control mechanism which regulates and adjusts human behaviour so that it conforms to the the rules and requirements of the particular environment. It must be pointed out that this control mechanism acts in an advisory capacity to the Mind and it does not posses a direct link to any functions of the human body. It is generally referred to as the human Soul”
¶ Now what is it that causes some to have ambition and others to lack it?
Your ambitions take the form determined by your predominating physiological system. For instance, in every great singer the Thoracic has been present either as the first or second element.
The effect of the physical upon our talents is no more marked anywhere than here. For it is his unusual lung power, his high chest, the sounding boards in his nose section and his superior vocal cords that make the real foundation of every singer’s fame. These physiological conditions are found in extreme degree only in persons of thoracic tendencies.
It was the great lung-power of Caruso that made him a great singer. It was his remarkable heart-power that brought him through an illness in February, 1921, when every newspaper in the world carried on its front page the positive statement that he could not live another day. That he lived for six months afterward was due chiefly to his remarkable heart.
The nature resulting from a large heart and large lungs is one distinctly different from all others—in short, the Thoracic nature.
“The Best Dressed ¶ The best dressed man and the best dressed woman in your town belong predominantly to this type. This is no accident. The Thoracics, being possessed of acute eye senses, are more sensitive to color and line than any other type. These are the foundations of “style” and artistic grooming.
Clothes Can Unmake the Man ¶ Being desirous of the approval of others and realizing that though clothes do not make the man they can unmake him, this type looks to his laurels on this point.
Because clothes determine the first impressions we make upon strangers and because that impression is difficult to change, clothes are of vast importance in this maze of human relationships.
The Thoracic is more sensitive to the attitude of others because their attitude is more vital to his self-expression. He senses from childhood the bearing that clothes have for or against him in the opinion of others and how they can aid him to express his personality.”
“The Glass of Fashion ¶ The Thoracic therefore often becomes “the glass of fashion and the mold of form.” His consciousness of himself is so keen that, even when alone, he prefers those things in dress which are at once fine, fancy and fashionable.
Some types are indifferent to clothes, some ignorant of clothes and some defiant in their clothes but the Thoracic always has a keen sense of fitness in the matter of apparel.
Distinction in Dress ¶ The distinctive dresser is one who essays the extremely fashionable, the “last moment” touch. He is always a step or two ahead of the times. His ties, handbags, handkerchiefs and stick pins are “up to the minute.” Such a man or woman invariably has a large thoracic development and is well repaid by the public for his pains.
Dress the Universal Language ¶ The public looks more eagerly than we suppose to changes in styles and fads. It gives, in spite of itself, instantaneous admiration of a sort to those who follow the dictates of fashion. This being one of the quickest roads to adulation, it is often utilized by this type.”
“The Newest in Hairdressing ¶ The latest thing in coiffures is always known by the Thoracic woman. And because she is, more often than any other type, a beautiful woman she can wear her hair in almost any style and find it becoming.
So when puffs were the thing this type of woman not only wore puffs but the most extreme and numerous puffs. When the “sticking-to-the-face” style was in vogue she bought much bandoline and essayed the sleekest and shiniest head of all. When the ear-bun raged she changed those same paper-like curls over night into veritable young sofa cushions.”
“Always on “Dress Parade” ¶ With intent to keep the spotlight on himself the Thoracic is always on dress parade. He is vividly aware of himself; he knows what kind of picture he is making. He is seldom “self-conscious,” in the sense of being timid. When he does happen to be timid he suffers, by reason of his greater desire for approval, more acutely than any other type.”
“Do you know that a great many of us do not actually breathe properly? It is one of the most important elements of life, otherwise, without the breath, we cannot live. Breathing may be an automatic function and a vital one, why then do we spend so much of our time shallow breathing? When we breathe in an unmindful way, we often fail to fill our lungs fully as we only using the upper part, but like anything, our lungs must be worked. Shallow breathing limits the range of motion of the diaphragm, and this can make you feel anxious and, as if you do not have sufficient breath.
We need oxygen for every single cell in the body. Inhalation and exhalation impact the heart and lungs but also, is essential for energy production. Your body’s tissues and organs are made up of cells, and they must receive the right nutrients and oxygen to function correctly.”
“How often do we pay attention to how we breathe? We don’t really, until we succumb to colds or chest infections. There’s little attention paid to our respiratory system. It’s only when you struggle to breathe that you realize just how important it is. If you consider that your nose, windpipe, lungs, circulatory system and the muscles all provide the vital role of transporting those all-important breaths that you take, each part of the body’s systems are inter-linked, but without breath, the body fails to exist.
Dr. Herbert Benson wrote about controlled breathing in his book The Relaxation Response which discussed the oxygen exchange i.e. oxygen being inhaled while carbon dioxide is released. He stated that by controlling breathing, it centers the parasympathetic nervous system which counteracts the body’s fight or flight response. So, this means that by focusing on the breath, it’s possible to de-stress and to manage any anxieties (and anxiousness equates to shallow, rapid breaths). But it also increased brain growth and lowered blood pressure and heart rate. Research endorses this argument and so, yes, focus, breathe correctly, and be healthy.”
“Our breathing is either: Thoracic or diaphragmatic Interrupted or continuous Irregular or rhythmical
Paying attention to how you breathe is important, but it’s also relevant to consider that your breathing is affected by your emotional or physical well-being. Think back to a time when you were angry, fearful or sad, these emotions would have affected your breathing. As you try to recall the memory, tune into the physicality’s of the moment. What was your breathing like? It’s important for you to determine if you have emotional triggers which will interrupt the natural process of breathing. Awareness is key because you can then re-train automatic responses, breathing correctly while improving your health.”
“Have a go at monitoring your breathing for a while and notice if you are guilty of shallow breathing all the time. It’s easy to correct so don’t worry if you do this. It’s very easy to fit some techniques into your daily life and, if you feel anxious at any point or fearful, know that when you focus on your breathing, you can reduce this feeling. The breath has such a calming effect. When I’ve been fraught with tension and have been worrying like mad about things, I found that by taking slow, deep breaths and focusing on the inhalation and exhalation, it really works. If you tune into the breath and focus, you can’t worry about anything else. There are so many symptoms associated with anxiety and these include:
Feeling faint Racing heartbeat Feeling lightheaded Chest pains”
“We’ve already discussed the connection between the mind and the body and so, it won’t surprise you to know that if you start feeling anxious, it’s possible to experience severe physical reactions. It’s true to say that some people are even hospitalized because they feel they might be having a heart attack. Many symptoms occur through shallow breathing. In fact, anxiety and shallow breathing go hand in hand. This is because the individual takes in only small breaths during any anxiety attack instead of breathing all the way to the bottom of their lungs. Shallow breathing may not be dangerous as such, but you can bet that it’s not good for you.
With shallow breathing, there’s often a need to take deeper breaths, simply because you are not getting in sufficient oxygen levels. Have you ever noticed that people start yawning to compensate on a subconscious level? It is the easy way to obtain sufficient oxygen and promote healing from within. Take 3 or 4 deep breaths and then go back to breathing normally, just do this more often that’s all.
“Feelings of anxiety promote the activation of our body’s fight or flight system. By its design, it is meant to keep you from safe from any danger. So, if you are faced with a dangerous situation, your heartbeat naturally speeds up, and you start to breathe faster, so to get more oxygen in your system ready for either fighting or fleeing from the situation. This, of course, makes sense.
But anyone who suffers from anxiety is probably not facing any actual danger but the body still reacts exactly as if they are. Of course, we all suffer from moments of anxiousness from time to time. Our errant thoughts can run astray and make us hypersensitive as to all the numerous things that could go wrong in life, and don’t we always think the worst? Left unchecked, this can develop into some sort of anxiety disorder, and you don’t want that.”
“When this happens, your body consistently starts to release adrenaline, behaving as if you are in a terrifying and life-threatening situation. The chances are you are not in a life-threatening situation, but your stress response activates anyway. You will breathe more rapidly but shallowly. In a panic attack, the individual can end up hyperventilating. Let’s dismiss one myth here when you breathe shallowly, it does not mean that you need to increase your oxygen levels. Actually, it is the opposite. It means that you are over-breathing, shallow rapid breaths and exhaling carbon dioxide far too quickly before your body can make more. Let’s consider the importance of breathing correctly. Inhale, and oxygen levels increase. But carbon dioxide actually takes time to develop and so, when the breath is shallow, you emit more CO2 than your body creates. It is this that will eventually lead to hyperventilation.
Now, as you hyperventilate, your body feels as if it is not getting sufficient levels of oxygen. Therefore, you start to take even more quick breaths in as you’ll feel panicky and of course, this makes it worse. Hyperventilation will lead to other side-effects including:
Surprisingly, shallow breathing is one of the most important things to control, and if you can understand how shallow breathing is connected to anxiety, it makes it so much easier to deal with it.
Slow breathing You may not want to slow your breathing down during an anxiety attack, but it is important to fight the urge to take deep, fast breaths but instead, just to slow down the breathing cycle. To do so, focus on your breathing and make each breath deliberate. Counting can help, and you should inhale for 5 seconds, hold the breath for 2 seconds and then, slowly breathe out for an extended period, for 6 to 7 seconds.”
“Some people seem to find it easier to cope in life, have you ever wondered why? I found myself doing just this. My findings were surprising. Research led by Harvard University, the University of Oregon and the University of Texas revealed that very effective leaders all share a similar mindset but, not just this, they also share similar hormone levels. The more powerful the leader, the higher the levels of testosterone.
This simply means that those with higher levels of testosterone are naturally primed to be more assertive, relaxed and confident. They will be less reactive to stressors and be able to handle the bombardment of pressure quite well. In addition, there’s one physical cue which impacts both hormones and that’s body language. So, if you can improve your body language, you will naturally increase testosterone while decreasing cortisone levels and this means, less stress but more confidence.
This leads me directly into power body poses. Power poses are intriguing. Amy Cuddy is a researcher based at Harvard University and she and her team have identified that different body positions equate to high power or low power poses. High power poses tend to be open and relaxed while low power poses will be closed off and guarded.
“They studied the impact of these poses in a research study on 42 students. Saliva was taken from each of them and cortisone levels and testosterone levels were then measured. Afterwards, each person was asked to sit in either high power or low power poses for approximately 2 minutes. After which, an additional sample saliva was taken and cortisone and testosterone levels were measured yet again.
The results were stunning. High power poses serve to increase testosterone by approximately 20% and they found that cortisone levels decreased by 25%. When you consider the ability to exude confidence and cope with daily pressures, this is significant. Try this well-known and versatile power pose so you can see what I mean. Its nickname is ‘The Wonder Woman’ pose and, you simply stand tall, with chest out and hands on the hips. It’s certainly a power stance and irrespective of its name, it is just as important to men as it is to women. Try it now and then see how you feel afterwards.”
“I mentioned before that our body language speaks volumes about us. If you are a little worried as to those secretive body language communications, try to build in some body language checks each day and insert a higher power pose into your routine each morning for approximately 2 or 3 minutes. When you do so, close your eyes, breathing in deeply for a count of 3, you can hold the breath for just a second and then, breathe out fully for a count of 5. If this is difficult, you can reduce the count – say for 2, 1 and 4 counts. You can also combine breathing exercises with power poses for maximum benefits. I use power poses with meditation at the start of my day and I feel great afterwards.
As you are only investing a couple of minutes, you will have time for it. Body language is important but it’s not everything. One thing for sure is that confidence affects both your mind and body. Your personality and emotional state of mind will no doubt affect your levels of confidence but improving your body language by taking up one of the power poses, will certainly increase physical presence and make you feel so much better. You can use these power poses quickly and efficiently in every situation.
Think about a difficult presentation in front of your boss or colleagues. Imagine you are waiting to be called in and you start to feel nervous and your hands are sweating. Find a quiet space and take a moment to adjust your posture. Put your hands on your hips, keep your chin up, have your chest out and visualize the pose. If you can just do this for a couple of minutes before you attend your meeting or your interview, your testosterone levels will increase as will your confidence. You will also naturally and quickly lower your stress levels.”
Our mind and body are connected. It’s true. Although many people think that they are separate, they actually hold great influence over each other. When you work on one aspect of self, you impact the other. Let me explain this. Have you ever felt really nervous? I know I have. Your mind may race, and your nerves jangle and these thoughts and feelings manifest on a physical level too. Have you ever experienced that dry mouth and headache when you were nervous and worried about what was to come?
It’s important to understand the mind and body connection. Let’s say you are waiting to be interviewed for a job and you become so nervous and are worried about your abilities. Let’s face it. It’s easy to be plagued by qualms and to start running a negative script in your mind. But think back to that experience, I bet it wasn’t just your mind that was affected but your body too. You may have felt a little nauseous while your tummy did somersaults and maybe, you even started sweating a bit. This proves that your thoughts and your emotions affect you on a physical level.
“If you feel stressed or have unresolved issues, they will only play havoc with your mind and body. If thoughts are negative, you really must identify and resolve them as it could lead to unhealthy behaviors and, you may even find you become unwell or ill. Of course, I am not implying that every single illness or accident that occurs is because of your mindset, but believe me, it plays a significant role. If you can understand this, you will be able to take greater control of your life.
Try thinking of your life as a big jigsaw puzzle, this really worked for me. I looked at each aspect of my life, breaking key elements into smaller pieces. I did this and learned that each part of my life had a significant role to play. When one part didn’t function well, it affected everything else. You cannot ignore the importance of your thoughts and feelings and how they manifest within the physical body.
Repressed memories may suddenly manifest into thoughts. When this happens, these are powerful and can have a far-reaching effect. It is important to deal with repressed emotions and seriously, having awareness gives you an advantage.
“When I was trying out As If, I took the time to think about my learned behaviors, those gleaned through parental advice or, through witnessing behaviors. I also looked at my personal experiences. I did this because when events occur, we react by way of information and experiences, these become reference points for our actions. If you can change these behaviors or experiences, if you can use As If to make your response to any situation more positive, boy, will you notice a significant difference. Simply, it becomes a reference point for your mind. As If can be used at any time and in any place.
Let’s consider that you have some seriously challenging situations ahead of you. You may feel unconfident and doubtful and in some cases, perhaps that dreaded job interview, you may even be filled with dread. If you can tap into the ‘As If’ system and start to act as if you are confident, your thoughts will naturally become more positive. You’ll visualize strong images of how you want to think and act. Once you start to feel more confident, your actions become instinctive and learned.”
“You’ll learn to understand your thoughts and be in control, readily identifying the inner two-way communication and making it work for you. Let’s be clear here. Your mind is powerful, and once you tame your thoughts and use your mind in the best way possible, you’ll improve your life.”
“When you are alert and ready for anything in life, your posture is also likely to be good. When you are less than alert or feeling down, you are likely to adopt poor posture. Try adjusting your posture, do it right now, sit up straight and pull those shoulders back. I bet you start to feel better immediately.
There have been many experiments into body language and so this is not me just saying it. Psychologists discovered that emotions may also have a strong connection with specific body postures. During these experiments, people were asked to generate a strong negative emotion – let’s use fear as an example and to place their body in a position that for them, depicted fear. When they had done so, they were asked to remain in this position but to also try to generate happiness, they found it much harder to do so. So, this links body posture to emotions. It’s impossible to not get stressed from time to time.
We all know that life is stressful at times, but, the lesson of the day is that it’s how you deal with it that is the most important. Have you ever noticed that some people do not seem to react to daily stressors? They just deal with it… right? Think about a time when you have felt highly stressed and perhaps the outcome was not so good. Afterwards, we often have to deal with regret or, kick ourselves when we respond badly, but our responses are fueled by our learned behaviors, our thoughts and feelings. When using body language, breathing techniques and As If, we can change our actions.
If you had to face a similarly difficult situation next time, and used the ‘as if’ process, you would be able to outwardly project very different emotions, feelings and actions and, nip any damaging thoughts in the bud.”
“Find Your Own Type ¶ The first problem of your happiness is to find out what type you are yourself—which you will know after reading this book—and to build your future accordingly.
Knowing and Helping Others ¶ The second is to learn how to analyze others to the end that your relationships with them may be harmonious and mutually advantageous.
Take every individual according to the way he was born, accept him as that kind of mechanism and deal with him in the manner befitting that mechanism. In this way and this only will you be able to impress or to help others.
In this way only will you be able to achieve real success. In this way only will you be able to help your fellowman find the work, the environment and the marriage wherein he can be happy and successful.
The Four C’s ¶ To get the maximum of pleasure and knowledge out of this interesting course there are four things to remember as your part of the contract.
“Read Concentratedly ¶ Think of what you are reading while you are reading it. Concentration is a very simple thing. The next C is
Observe Carefully ¶ Look at people carefully (but not starefully) when analyzing them. Don’t jump at conclusions. We humans have a great way of twisting facts to fit our conclusion as soon as we have made one. But don’t spend all your time getting ready to decide and forget to decide at all, like the man who was going to jump a ditch. He ran so far back to get a good start each time that he never had the strength to jump when he got there. Get a good start by observing carefully. Then
Decide Confidently ¶ Be sure you are right and then go ahead. Make a decision and make it with the confidence that you are right. If you will determine now to follow this rule it will compel you to follow the first two because, in order to be sure you are right, to be certain you are not misjudging anybody, you will read each rule concentratedly and observe each person carefully beforehand.
“Practise Constantly ¶ “Practice makes perfect.” Take this for your motto if you would become expert in analyzing people. It is one easily followed for you come in contact with people everywhere—at home, amongst your business associates, with your friends and on the street. Remember you can only benefit from a thing as you use it. A car that you never took out of the garage would be of no value to you. So get full value out of this course by using it at all times.”
¶ No person achieves success or happiness when compelled to do what he naturally dislikes to do. Since these likes and dislikes stay with him to the grave, one of the biggest modern problems is that of helping men and women to discover and to capitalize their inborn traits.
Enthusiasm and Self-Expression ¶ Every individual does best those things which permit him to act in accordance with his natural bents. This explains why we like best those things we do best. It takes real enthusiasm to make a success of any undertaking for nothing less than enthusiasm can turn on a full current.
We struggle from the cradle to the grave for self-expression and everything that pushes us in a direction opposed to our natural tendencies is done half-heartedly, inefficiently and disgruntledly. These are the steps that lead straight to failure. Yet failure can be avoided and success approximated by every normal person if he will take the same precaution with his own machinery that he takes with his automobile.”
“Learn to Drive Your Car ¶ If you were presented with a car by your ancestors—which is precisely what happened to you at birth—you would not let an hour go by without finding out what make or type of car it was. Before a week elapsed you would have taken the time, labor and interest to learn how to run it,—not merely any old way, but the best way for that particular make of car.
Five Makes of Human Cars ¶ There are five makes or types of human cars, differing as definitely in size, shape and structure as Fords differ from Pierce-Arrows. Each human type differs as widely in its capacities, possibilities and aptitudes as a Ford differs from a Pierce-Arrow. Like the Ford or Pierce the externals indicate these functional differences with unfailing accuracy. Furthermore just as a Ford never changes into a Pierce nor a Pierce into a Ford, a human being never changes his type. He may modify it, train it, polish it or control it somewhat, but he will never change it.
“Can Not Be Deceived ¶ The student of Human Analysis cannot be deceived as to the type of any individual any more than you can be deceived about the make of a car.
One may “doll up” a Ford to his heart’s content—remove the hood and top and put on custom-made substitutes—it is still a Ford, always will be a Ford and you can always detect that it is a Ford. It will do valuable, necessary things but only those things it was designed to do and in its own particular manner; nor could a Pierce act like a Ford.
Are You a Ford or a Pierce? ¶ So it is with human cars. Maybe you have been awed by the jewels and clothes with which many human Fords disguise themselves. The chances are that you have overlooked a dozen Pierces this week because their paint was rusty. Perchance you are a Pierce yourself, drawing a Ford salary because you don’t know you are a high-powered machine capable of making ten times the speed you have been making on your highway of life.”
“Superficialities Sway Us ¶ If so your mistake is only natural. The world classifies human beings according to their superficialities. To the world a human motorcycle can pass for a Rolls-Royce any day if sufficiently camouflaged with diamonds, curls, French heels and plucked eyebrows.
Bicycles in Congress ¶ In the same manner many a bicycle in human form gets elected to Congress because he plays his machinery for all it is worth and gets a hundred per cent service out of it. Every such person learned early in life what kind of car he was and capitalized its natural tendencies.
Don’T Judge by Veneer ¶ Nothing is more unsafe than to attempt to judge the actual natures of people by their clothes, houses, religious faith, political affiliations, prejudices, dialect, etiquette or customs. These are only the veneer laid on by upbringing, teachers, preachers, traditions and other forces of suggestion, and it is a veneer so thin that trifles scratch it off.”
“Five Biological Types
¶ Human Analysis differs from every other system of character analysis in that it classifies man, for the first time, into five types according to his biological evolution.
¶ It deals with man in the light of the most recent scientific discoveries. It estimates each individual according to his “human” qualities rather than his “character” or so-called “moral” qualities. In other words, it takes his measure as a human being and determines from his externals his chances for success in the world of today.
These Rules Work
¶ Every rule in this book is based on scientific data, has been proved to be accurate by investigations and surveys of all kinds of people in all parts of the world.
These rules do not work merely part of the time. They work all the time, under all conditions and apply to every individual of every race, every color, every country, every community and every family.
Through this latest human science you can learn to read people as easily as you read books—if you will take the little time and pains to learn the rules which compose your working alphabet.
“Do What We Want to Do
¶ It is easy to know what an individual will do under most circumstances because every human being does what he wants to do in the way he prefers to do it most of the time. If you doubt it try this test: bring to mind any intimate friends, or even that husband or wife, and note how few changes they have made in their way of doing things in twenty years!
¶ Every human being is born with preferences and predilections which manifest themselves from earliest childhood to death. These inborn tendencies are never obliterated and seldom controlled to any great extent, and then only by individuals who have learned the power of the mind over the body. Inasmuch as this knowledge is possessed by only a few, most of the people of the earth are blindly following the dictates of their inborn leanings.
Follow Our Bents
¶ In other words, more than ninety-nine per cent of all the people you know are following their natural bents in reacting to all their experiences—from the most trivial incidents to the most far-reaching emergencies.”
“Took It” from Grandmother
¶ The individual is seldom conscious of these habitual acts of his, much less of where he got them. The nearest he comes is to say he “got it from his father” or “she takes it from grandmother.” But where did grandmother get it?
Man No Mystery
¶ Science has taken the trouble to investigate and today we know not only where grandmother got it but what she did with it. She got it along with her size, shape and structure—in other words, from her type—and she did just what you and everybody else does with his type-characteristics. She acted in accordance with her type just as a canary sings like a canary instead of talking like a parrot, and just as a rose gives off rose perfume instead of violet.
This law holds throughout every species and explains man—who likes to think himself a deep mystery—as it explains every other creature.
The Hold of Habit
¶ Look around you in shop, office, field or home and you will find that the quick, alert, impulsive man is acting quickly, alertly and impulsively most of the time. Nothing less than a calamity slows him
“down and then only temporarily; while the slow, patient, mild and passive individual is acting slowly, patiently, mildly and passively in spite of all goads. Some overwhelming passion or crisis may speed him up momentarily but as soon as it fades he reverts to his old slow habits.
Significance of Fat, Bone and Muscle
¶ Human Analysis is the new science which shows you how to recognize the slow man, the quick man, the stubborn man, the yielding man, the leader, the learner, and all other basic kinds of men on sight from the shape, size and structure of their bodies.
Certain bodily shapes indicate predispositions to fatness, leanness, boniness, muscularity and nervousness, and this predisposition is so much a part of the warp and woof of the individual that he can not disguise it. The urge given him by this inborn mechanism is so strong as to be practically irresistible. Every experience of his life calls forth some kind of reaction and invariably the reaction will be similar, in every vital respect, to the reactions of other people who have bodies of the same general size, shape and structure as his own.”
“Reading People ¶ Learning to read men and women is a more delightful process than learning to read books, for every person you see is a true story, more romantic and absorbing than any ever bound in covers.
Learning to read people is also a simpler process than learning to read books because there are fewer letters in the human alphabet. Though man seems to the untrained eye a mystifying mass of “funny little marks,” he is not now difficult to analyze.
Only a Few Feelings ¶ This is because there are after all but a few kinds of human feelings. Some form of hunger, love, hate, fear, hope or ambition gives rise to every human emotion and every human thought.”
“Thoughts Bring Actions ¶ Now our actions follow our thoughts. Every thought, however transitory, causes muscular action, which leaves its trace in that part of the physical organism which is most closely allied to it.
Physiology and Psychology Interwoven ¶ Look into the mirror the next time you are angry, happy, surprised, tired or sorrowful and note the changes wrought by your emotions in your facial muscles.
Constant repetition of the same kinds of thoughts or emotions finally makes permanent changes in that part of the body which is physiologically related to these mental processes.
The Evolution of the Jaw ¶ The jaw is a good illustration of this alliance between the mind and the body. Its muscles and bones are so closely allied to the pugnacity instinct center in the brain that the slightest thought of combat causes the jaw muscles to stiffen. Let the thought of any actual physical encounter go through your mind and your jaw bone will automatically move upward and outward.
After a lifetime of combat, whether by fists or words, the jaw sets permanently a little more upward and outward—a little more like that of the bulldog. It keeps to this combative mold, “because,” says Mother Nature, the great efficiency expert, “if you are going to call on me constantly to stiffen that jaw I’ll fix it so it will stay that way and save myself the trouble.”
“Inheritance of Acquired Traits ¶ Thus the more combative jaw, having become permanent in the man’s organism, can be passed on to his children.
¶ Right here comes a most interesting law and one that has made possible the science of Human Analysis:
Law of Size ¶ The larger any part or organ the better its equipment for carrying out the work of that organ and the more does it tend to express itself. Nature IS an efficiency expert and doesn’t give you an oversupply of anything without demanding that you use it.
Jaws Becoming Smaller ¶ Our ancestors developed massive jaws as a result of constant combat. As fast as civilization decreased the necessity for combat Nature decreased the size of the average human jaw.
Meaning of the Big Jaw ¶ But wherever you see a large protruding jaw you see an individual “armed and engined,” for some kind of fighting. The large jaw always goes with a combative nature, whether it is found on a man or a woman, a child, a pugilist or a minister.”
“Exhibit a—The Irishman ¶ The large jaw, therefore, is seen to be both a result and a cause of certain things. As the inheritance of a fighting ancestor it is the result of millions of years of fighting in prehistoric times, and, like any other over-developed part or organ, it has an intense urge to express itself. This inherent urge is what makes the owner of that jaw “fight at the drop of the hat,” and often have “a chip on his shoulder.”
Natural Selection ¶ Thus, because every external characteristic is the result of natural laws, and chiefly of natural selection, the vital traits of any creature can be read from his externals. Every student of biology, anatomy, anthropology, ethnology or psychology is familiar with these facts.
Built to Fit ¶ Man’s organism has developed, altered, improved and evolved “down through the slow revolving years” with one instinctive aim—successful reaction to its environment. Every part has been laboriously constructed to that sole end. Because of this its functions are marked as clearly upon it as those of a grain elevator, a steamship or a piano.
“Survival of the Fittest ¶ Nature has no accidents, she wastes no material and everything has a purpose. If you put up a good fight to live she will usually come to your rescue and give you enough of whatever is needed to tide you over. If you don’t, she says you are not fit to people the earth and lets you go without a pang. Thus she weeds out all but the strong—and evolution marches on.
Causes of Racial Characteristics ¶ This inherent potentiality for altering the organism to meet the demands of the environment is especially noticeable in races and is the reason for most racial differences.
Differences in environment—climate, altitude and topography necessitated most of these physical differentiations which today enable us to know at a glance whether a man belongs to the white race, the yellow race, or the black race. The results of these differentiations and modifications will be told in the various chapters of this book.”
¶ So today we see man a highly evolved creature who not only acts but thinks and feels. All these thoughts, feelings and emotions are interrelated.
The body and the mind of man are so closely bound together that whatever affects one affects the other. An instantaneous change of mind instantly changes the muscles of the face. A violent thought instantly brings violent bodily movements.
Movies and Face Muscles ¶ The moving picture industry—said to be the third largest in the world—is based largely on this interrelation. This industry would become extinct if something were to happen to sever the connection between external expressions and the internal nature of men and women.
Tells Fundamentals ¶ How much do external characteristics tell about a man? They tell, with amazing accuracy, all the basic, fundamental principal traits of his nature. The size, shape and structure of a man’s body tell more important facts about his real self—what he thinks and what he does—than the average mother ever knows about her own child.”
“Learning to Read ¶ If this sounds impossible, if the seeming incongruity, multiplicity and heterogeneity of human qualities have baffled you, remember that this is exactly how the print in all books and newspapers baffled you before you learned to read.
Not long ago I was reading stories aloud to a three-year old. She wanted to “see the pictures,” and when told there were none had to be shown the book.
“What funny little marks!” she cried, pointing to the print. “How do you get stories out of them?”
Printing looked to all of us at first just masses of meaningless little marks.
But after a few days at school how things did begin to clear up! It wasn’t a jumble after all. There was something to it. It straightened itself out until the funny little marks became significant. Each of them had a meaning and the same meaning under all conditions. Through them your whole outlook on life became deepened and broadened—all because you learned the meaning of twenty-six little letters and their combinations!”
¶ To do this it is necessary to better understand our neighbors—to recognize that people differ from each other in their likes and dislikes, traits, talents, tendencies and capabilities. The combination of these makes each individual’s nature. It is not difficult to understand others for with each group of these traits there always goes its corresponding physical makeup—the externals whereby the internal is invariably indicated. This is true of every species on the globe and of every subdivision within each species.
Significance of Size, Shape and Structure ¶ All dogs belong to the same species but there is a great difference between the “nature” of a St. Bernard and that of a terrier, just as there is a decided difference between the natures of different human beings. But in both instances the actions, reactions and habits of each can be accurately anticipated on sight by the shape, size and structure of the two creatures.
Differences in Breed ¶ When a terrier comes into the room you instinctively draw away unless you want to be jumped at and greeted effusively. But you make no such movement to protect yourself from a St. Bernard because you read,
“on sight, the different natures of these two from their external appearance.
¶ You know a rose, a violet, a sunflower and an orchid and what perfume you are sure to find in each, by the same method. All are flowers and all belong to the same species, just as all human beings belong to the same species. But their respective size, shape and structure tell you in advance and on sight what their respective characteristics are.
The same is true of all human beings. They differ in certain fundamentals but always and invariably in accordance with their differences in size, shape and structure.
The Instinct of Self-Preservation ¶ The reason for this is plain. Goaded by the instinct of self-preservation, man, like all other living things, has made heroic efforts to meet the demands of his environment. He has been more successful than any other creature and is, as a result, the most complex organism on the earth. But his most baffling complexities resolve themselves into comparatively simple terms once it is recognized that each internal change brought about by his environment brought with it the corresponding external mechanism without which he could not have survived.”
¶ So long as you live in a civilized or thickly populated community you will still need to understand your own nature and the natures of other people. No matter what you desire of life, other people’s aims, ambitions and activities constitute vital obstructions along your pathway. You will never get far without the co-operation, confidence and comradeship of other men and women.
Primitive Problems ¶ It was not always so. And its recentness in human history may account for some of our blindness to this great fact.
In primitive times people saw each other rarely and had much less to do with each other. The human element was then not the chief problem. Their environmental problems had to do with such things as the elements, violent storms, extremes of heat and cold, darkness, the ever-present menace of wild beasts whose flesh was their food, yet who would eat them first unless they were quick in brain and body.
Civilization’s Changes ¶ But all that is changed. Man has subjugated all other creatures and now walks the earth its supreme sovereign. He has discovered and invented and builded until now we live in skyscrapers, talk around the world
“world without wires and by pressing a button turn darkness into daylight.
Causes of Failure ¶ Yet with all our knowledge of the outside world ninety-nine lives out of every hundred are comparative failures.
¶ The reason is plain to every scientific investigator. We have failed to study ourselves in relation to the great environmental problem of today. The stage-setting has been changed but not the play. The game is the same old game—you must adjust and adapt yourself to your environment or it will destroy you.
Mastering His Own Environment ¶ The cities of today look different from the jungles of our ancestors and we imagine that because the brain of man overcame the old menaces no new ones have arisen to take their place. We no longer fear extermination from cold. We turn on the heat. We are not afraid of the vast oceans which held our primitive forebears in thrall, but pass swiftly, safely and luxuriously over their surfaces. And soon we shall be breakfasting in New York and dining the same evening in San Francisco!
Facing New Enemies ¶ But in building up this stupendous superstructure of modern civilization man has brought into being a society
“intricate and complex that he now faces the new environmental problem of human relationships.
The Modern Spider’s Web ¶ Today we depend for life’s necessities almost wholly upon the activities of others. The work of thousands of human hands and thousands of human brains lies back of every meal you eat, every journey you take, every book you read, every bed in which you sleep, every telephone conversation, every telegram you receive, every garment you wear.
And this fellowman of ours has multiplied, since that dim distant dawn, into almost two billion human beings, with at least one billion of them after the very things you want, and not a tenth enough to go around!
Adapt or Die ¶ Who will win? Nature answers for you. She has said with awful and inexorable finality that, whether you are a blade of grass on the Nevada desert or a man in the streets of London, you can win only as you adapt yourself to your environment. Today our environmental problem consists largely of the other fellow. Only those who learn to adapt themselves to their fellows can win great or lasting rewards.”
¶ The greatest problem facing any organism is successful reaction to its environment. Environment, speaking scientifically, is the sum total of your experiences. In plain United States, this means fitting vocationally, socially and maritally into the place where you are.
If you don’t fit you must move or change your environment to fit you. If you can’t change the environment and you won’t move you will become a failure, just as tropical plants fail when transplanted to the Nevada desert.”
“Learn from the Sagebrush ¶ But there is something that grows and keeps on growing in the Nevada desert—the sagebrush. It couldn’t move away and it couldn’t change its waterless environment, so it did what you and I must do if we expect to succeed. It adapted itself to its environment, and there it stands, each little stalwart shrub a reminder of what even a plant can do when it tries!
Moving Won’t Help Much ¶ Human life faces the same alternatives that confront all other forms of life—of adapting itself to the conditions under which it must live or becoming extinct. You have an advantage over the sagebrush in that you can move from your city or state or country to another, but after all that is not much of an advantage. For though you may improve your situation slightly you will still find that in any civilized country the main elements of your problem are the same.”
“There is so much to know about conversation that anyone, even I, could ever realize. You can go though watching talk shows; radio programs; clubs dedicated to public speaking; ordinary conversations; certain rules still apply when it comes to interaction through words. It may sound tedious, I know, but even though it’s your mouth that’s doing the work, your brain works twice as hard to churn out a lot of things you know. So what better way to start learning to be an effective communication is to know the very person closest to you: yourself.”
“1. What you know. Education is all about learning the basics, but to be an effective speaker is to practice what you’ve learned. My stint as guest at every Toastmasters’ meeting I go to taught me that we all have our limitations, but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn to keep up and share what we know.
Listening. It’s just as important as asking questions. Sometimes listening to the sound of our own voice can teach us to be a little bit confident with ourselves and to say the things we believe in with conviction.
Humility We all make mistakes, and sometimes we tend to slur our words, stutter, and probably mispronounce certain words even though we know what it means, but rarely use it only to impress listeners. So in a group, don’t be afraid to ask if you’re saying the right word properly and if they’re unsure about it then make a joke out of it. I promise you it’ll make everyone laugh and you can get away with it as well.”
“Eye Contact There’s a lot to say when it comes to directing your attention to your audience with an eye-catching gaze. It’s important that you keep your focus when talking to a large group in a meeting or a gathering, even though he or she may be gorgeous.
Kidding around A little bit of humor can do wonders to lift the tension, or worse boredom when making your speech. That way, you’ll get the attention of the majority of the crowd and they’ll feel that you’re just as approachable, and as human to those who listen.
Be like the rest of them Interaction is all about mingling with other people. You’ll get a lot of ideas, as well as knowing what people make them as they are.
Me, Myself, and I Admit it, there are times you sing to yourself in the shower. I know I do! Listening to the sound of your own voice while you practice your speech in front of a mirror can help correct the stress areas of your pitch. And while you’re at it you can spruce up as well.
With a smile A smile says it all much like eye contact. There’s no point on grimacing or frowning in a meeting or a gathering, unless it’s a wake. You can better express what you’re saying when you smile.
A Role Model There must be at least one or two people in your life you have listened to when they’re at a public gathering or maybe at church. Sure they read their lines, but taking a mental note of how they emphasize what they say can help you once you take center stage.
Preparation Make the best out of preparation rather than just scribbling notes and often in a hurried panic. Some people like to write things down on index cards, while other resort to being a little more silly as they look at their notes written on the palm of their hand (not for clammy hands, please). Just be comfortable with what you know since you enjoy your work.”
“These suggestions are rather bland, but they do work! It is that easy! Realistically , in edgewise, I’ve learned to empower myself when it comes to public or private speaking and it never hurts to be with people to listen how they make conversations and meetings far more enjoyable as well as educational.”
“you should ask yourself- me speaking well Laura Zukerman, what are ten ways you would empower and improve yourself !?
“What Really Makes You Tick?” 10 questions you should ask to yourself: a preparation to self-improvement
Be all you can be, but it’s not always in the Army. I often see myself as somewhat contented with my life the way things are, but of course it’s hard to think of anything else when where are real issues to be discussed.
Still I aspire for something deeper and more meaningful.
So we’re all pelted with problems. Honestly it shouldn’t even bother or even hinder us to becoming all we ought to be. Aspirations as kids should continue to live within us, even though it would be short-lived or as long as we could hold on to the dream. They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks… or can they?
What do I really want? The question of the ages. So many things you want to do with your life and so little time to even go about during the day.
Find something that you are good at can help realize that small step towards improvement. Diligence is the key to know that it is worth it.
Should I really change
“Today’s generation has taken another level of redefining ‘self’, or at least that’s what the kids are saying. Having an army of teenage nieces and nephews has taught me that there are far worse things that they could have had than acne or maybe even promiscuity. So how does that fit into your lifestyle?
If history has taught us one thing, it’s the life that we have gone through. Try to see if partying Seventies style wouldn’t appeal to the younger generation, but dancing is part of partying. Watch them applaud after showing them how to really dance than break their bones in break-dancing.
What’s the bright side in all of this? With so much is happening around us there seem to be no room for even considering that light at the end of the tunnel. We can still see it as something positive without undergoing so much scrutiny. And if it’s a train at the end of the tunnel, take it for a ride and see what makes the world go round!
Am I comfortable with what I’m doing? There’s always the easy way and the right way when it comes to deciding what goes
“with which shoes, or purse, shirt and whatnot. It doesn’t take a genius to see yourself as someone unique, or else we’ll all be equally the same in everything we do. Variety brings in very interesting and exciting questions to be experimented.
Have I done enough for myself? Have you, or is there something more you want to do? Discontentment in every aspect can be dangerous in large doses, but in small amounts you’ll be able to see and do stuff you could never imagine doing.
Am I happy at where I am today? It’s an unfair question so let it be an answer! You love being a good and loving mom or dad to your kids, then take it up a notch! Your kids will love you forever. The same goes with everyday life!”
“7. Am I appealing to the opposite sex? So maybe I don’t have an answer to that, but that doesn’t mean I can’t try it, though. Whether you shape-up, change the way you wear your clothes or hair, or even your attitude towards people, you should always remember it will always be for your own benefit.
How much could I have? I suppose in this case there is no such things on having things too much or too little, but it’s more on how badly you really need it. I’d like to have lots of money, no denying that, but the question is that how much are you willing to work for it?
What motivates me? What motivates you? It’s an answer you have to find out for yourself. There are so many things that can make everyone happy, but to choose one of the may be the hardest part. It’s not like you can’t have one serving of your favorite food in a buffet and that’s it. Just try it piece by piece.
What Really Makes You Tick? So? What really makes you tick? You can be just about anything you always wanted to be, but to realize that attaining something that may seem very difficult is already giving up before you even start that journey. Always remember, that self-improvement is not just about the physical or philosophical change you have to undergo, but it’s something that you really want.”
Negative Self-Talk takes a variety of forms. For instance, it can help you stay grounded by telling you that there are somethings you must avoid to stay safe and healthy. There are times when it can sound mean by telling you that you can never do anything right. You can also use this voice to take a realistic approach or develop fear or a fantasy. The musings or thoughts of your inner critic can sound like a critical friend or partner from the past. This voice can take the path of cognitive distortions like blaming and catastrophizing. In other words, negative self-talk is that voice inside you that limits your ability and prevents you from believing in yourself. These thoughts diminish your ability to change your life. Negative self-talk isn’t just stressful, but it can also hinder your success.”
Ways of Negative Self Talk
“Filtering Regardless of what the situation is, you will focus on the negative aspects of the situation and ignore the positive ones. For instance, let us say that you had a great day of work. You completed every task assigned to you on time and did a thorough job of it. People showered you with compliments. However, you forget about those compliments and only focus on the tasks that you were unable to complete. You then begin to work on more tasks and put yourself under stress.”
Number 2 Personalizing
“Personalizing When you are in a bad situation, you blame yourself regardless of whether you were at fault or not. For instance, if you hear that your friends cancelled on a night out, you will assume that nobody wanted to come because they did not want to be with you.”
Number 3 catastrophe
“Catastrophizing You always anticipate the worst in a situation. When you wake up and stub your toe, you tell yourself that you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. You convince yourself that you will have a horrible day.”
Number 4 polarizing
“Polarizing Things or situations can only be good or bad. You never see the middle ground. Therefore, you strive to be perfect to ensure that every situation you are in is good. If there is ever a time when a situation is not in your favor, you convince yourself that you are a failure.”
“Toll of Negative Self-Talk Negative self-talk has a disastrous effect on you. There are studies that link negative self-talk with low self-esteem and high levels of stress. This talk can lead to feelings of helplessness and demotivation. Therefore, it is important that you learn to fix this negative self-talk. People who frequently engage in negative self-talk are often more stressed. This happens since their reality is slightly altered to help them experience the success they believe they have achieved. They need to create this experience since they do not see the many opportunities around them, and they do not capitalize on those opportunities. Therefore, the perception of stress is because of the change in behavior and perception. The consequences of the inner critic are listed below:”
“Limited Thinking You constantly tell yourself that you cannot do something. The more you tell yourself that, you start to believe it. For example, if you tell yourself that you cannot pass an exam, you will start to believe it and eventually you will not pass that exam.”
The concept of mindfulness comes to us from the Eastern cultures, and particularly from Buddhism — concepts that are over 2,500 years old. Its simple objective is to take you into a dynamic focus and lead you to fully paying attention. You pay attention to what is going on around you, to which emotions you are feeling, to how and what you are saying to others, to how and what you are thinking silently within your own mind, to how you are acting and behaving out in the world either alone or amongst others.
See how this ties into developing your EQ? It’s great!
In our Western societies, mindfulness courses and classes have mushroomed only over the past four decades or so. Mindfulness is now a mainstream concept and practice in Europe and North America. In fact, it’s not far off track to say that many Westerners eased into full meditation practice through the doorway of mindfulness practice.
The Western medical and mental health communities, at the same time, came to adapt Eastern mindfulness practices and approaches to their own needs; They have indeed been shown over time to help patients who have mental and emotional health[…]”
“Western psychology and psychiatry have also devised some more “Westerner-friendly” ways of learning and practicing mindfulness.; Medical professionals have assisted their patients in becoming more mindful, and seen it notably help reduce symptoms of depression, stress and anxiety, among others.
Versions of mindfulness and EQ that we see in these pages have also been extremely useful in diminishing or fully eliminating emotional trauma. Trauma from wartime experiences, from childhood or adult physical abuse or violence result in negative, protective feelings moving into place in our psyche. Whether it manifests as recurring nightmares or sleepless nights in fear of terrible nightmares, a strong anxiety around certain personality types, or a panicky retreat from society altogether – such strong feelings and emotions associated with trauma can be released through mindfulness practice. Knowing how to let go of the feelings helps diminish the power of the related memory as well. Military personnel returning from war zones and benefiting from a mindful release of traumatic feelings have gone so far as to state, “I finally got my life back”.”
“Determination. Awareness. Attention.
These are three key words that help you understand what mindfulness is.
Mindfulness means deliberately paying attention. Intentionally focusing. Nonjudgmentally observing life and living as it occurs around you. Being aware of your surroundings through all your senses.
If you are not paying attention, you don’t know whether you are missing out on something that matters to you! You can only decide what matters to you by giving attention to everything, and then prioritizing.
Mindfulness is a useful state from which to observe what’s going on within self, within other people, and out in the world at large. You pay attention to:
What is going on around you.
Which emotions you are experiencing.
How you are talking to people and what you are saying.
How people are talking to you and what they are saying.
Body language – yours and others’.
What others are doing and what they need.
How and what you are thinking.
How, how much and what you eat and drink and take into the body.
Nature – sounds, colors and movement.
And much more!
In other words, mindfulness is a dynamic state of awareness. It is a lively, conscious way of registering and processing information.
“This awareness of what is going on from moment to moment occurs without any judgement on your part.
We have all noticed young children engrossed in a given task. Nothing can pull their attention from it. They are creating some form of art, or building something, or they’re lost in a beloved story that they know by heart. We as adults can go into “the zone”, too! We are similarly experiencing a mindful absorption in the activity we are performing: running a long distance, reading an engrossing novel, lost in kneading the bread dough. Nearly no interference, noise or interruption seems to be able to break our focus. As the saying goes, “wild horses couldn’t pull us away.”
Millennia-old religious and spiritual practices have used some type of mindfulness technique from their very beginnings. Rites often blended them into practices. Prayer, singing hymns or chanting are nothing more than means of focusing – being mindful – on the spiritual energy and connection with the divine. Meditation (and mindfulness is part of achieving that quiet mind) is a spiritual aspect of many religions, including the Baha’i faith, Buddhism, Daoism, Hinduism, Jainism and Sikhism. By practicing mindfulness as we present it here, you are joining centuries of practitioners.
“That being said, sustained mindfulness is a tall order for most people! It means you have to pause and pay attention to absolutely everything going on around you and within you. That’s a lot to ask of anyone caught in the hustle-bustle of modern life. It’s a lot to ask as we are traveling, running businesses and earning a living, raising families, managing our homes.
Being mindful is difficult for the busy person that you are, granted. Especially with our last two or three decades of increasing solicitation by technology, media and the devices we all carry around to communicate, it’s hard to let go of that (apparent) connection and just observe attentively with our five senses for a while. We just don’t like to stop! But stop is exactly what we must do if we are to practice mindfulness and reap the benefits of doing so.
Becoming mindful means that most of us have to learn brand-new habits. Anyone can develop a more mindful state of being. Indeed, throughout the centuries, a number of specific activities have helped humans become fully aware and stay in the moment: Yoga, many martial arts such as Aikido, Chi Gong or Tai Chi, and meditation are some of the ancient ways we have moved ourselves into mindfulness. The ancients who lived with attention and determination were able to move into deeper, more sustained and long-term mindful states, as they quieted the noise of the ordinary mind and observed the world from a more peaceful state (7).
15th century poet Kabir said, “Wherever you are, that is the entry point.”
That is an important comment to keep in mind, because the first-time practitioner of mindfulness (and meditation as a whole) will get frustrated by wondering where to start.”
This consistently embarks upon the idea of emotional intelligence, emotional management and we are also call it an emotional awareness. In 1995 Daniel Goldman had this idea go viral in mental health and mental awareness immediately in the world of business. He will abbreviate this as an EI. The term was actually coined by two researchers peter salavoy and John Mayer. These two men were researchers of the Mayer salavoy emotional intelligence test. EQ is the personal ability you have to label and recognize your own emotions and feelings in your own emotional state.
There are two levels of your emotional EQ. Your emotional intelligence, it’s developing a habit of pausing and diverticulitis performing a habit of pausing and then objectification. There are many times that emotions when Anger or aggression come into play, and we are not able to think clear head idly. When EQ comes in , it’s allowing us to have objectivity with clear headiness. The third level of emotional intelligence is to objectify your own ability to rectify yourself at will. The ability to rectify or let go of strong feelings at will. You will be able to help others in need. If you are a high level ad emotional intelligent person you have a high EQ!
EQ is the ability to manage, control or identify our feelings. It is also the ability to understand and perceive the emotions of others, while being able to control their emotional state.
IQ however, is our intelligence quiotent. It is said to be the best way to measure how brain smart An individual is. This has no regard to emotional temperament. The IQ is a score given in a test like form to see how smart one is. It has been around since the early 20th century.
Now, you may not get tested on your EQ; however, it is somewhat of a personality test. An Eq is someones ability to identify, express, evaluate and control feeling. When you have a well known EQ, it shows in all aspects of your life.
“Personal Relationships and EQ
When you have a well-developed, highly functioning EQ, it shows in all aspects of your life. It certainly helps you stand out in the work world, but it also makes you remarkable in relationships with family, friends and strangers. For others, it is perhaps the lack of EQ that makes them stand out.
Here’s a few signs that you have a rather low EQ:
You have a hard time breaking away from your digital screen (phone, computer etc.) and thus don’t know how to really create a face-to-face relationship.
You are not good at all at making and sustaining eye contact – and even avoid it.
You are well-known for your inappropriate responses to circumstances. For instance, you spontaneously burst out in laughter when someone near you falls and injures himself or even bleeds, or when you see someone nearby in a fit of anger who is yelling and flailing around.
You always seem to rub people the wrong way; you irritate people. In other words, you don’t know how to get along with people – it’s not intuitive for you to know how to act, what to say[…]”
“Exercise 3: Learning To Read The Body
Almost all of your heavier, negative emotions as well as your lighter, positive feelings can easily be felt as sensations in your physical body.
Consider the feeling of anger. What happens in your body when you are feeling quite angry? Your muscles tighten up – fists clenched, muscles taut and ready for attack, face all tied up in an angry grimace. And then there is your voice, also a natural part of your body. Depending on your style of anger, your voice will get very tight and quiet or very loose and loud. It doesn’t take many experiences of anger for you to identify that feeling from how your body is reacting.
Now consider the feeling of sadness or grief. Your body also manifests this feeling. It becomes heavy, like you’re carrying around a ton of cement, making you feel like you’re being pulled downwards (thus the metaphor of “feeling down”). If you are sitting, it’s hard for you to get up; if you are standing, it’s hard for you to walk. You just don’t want to move. Depending on the degree of sadness or grief, and how sudden it has come upon[…]”
“Emotionally Charged Thinking
With a bit of reflection, we realize that feelings fill our thoughts as well. While we have some neutral (or “objective”) thoughts, most of our thinking is actually charged with either positive or negative emotions.
Even the simplest thought — like, “I’m running late” — can be full of emotions. It may be accompanied by anxiety, apathy, fear, self-importance, acceptance, joyful excitement and so on. The feeling that arises with the thought can be positive or negative, depending on the context.
Look at the following examples and consider whether the thought comes from — or is filled with — positive or negative feelings, or if it’s more objective and neutral.
The sun is shining.
She is in a crappy mood, watch out!
What is wrong with them today?
How dare you!
How does he do that?
I woke up feeling so great today!
And to think I woke up feeling good…
How could you be so stupid!
Is it smart to do it this way, do you think?
Look at how well I did the job!
Piss off! Get away from me!
I’ll never, ever, get it right.
Ah…What a wonderful meal!
“Keep in mind that the statement’s feelings may shift depending on the mood of the person who verbalizes them. Think of how actors are capable of changing emphasis on one word or infusing a certain statement with emotion. This skill is especially vital to have as a voice actor; Such an actor must convey real meaning through their voice alone. With some training, any high-EQ individual can easily learn to do this as well!”
“Exercise 5: Learning to Avoid Thought Traps
In your path towards higher EQ, you will most likely run into “thought traps” — which tend to become habitual for many of us. A typical thought trap usually unfolds something like this:
You have a negative thought – perhaps in reaction to something another person said or did to you.
You repeat that thought over and over, almost obsessively, in your head.
You come to believe that this thought is true about that person – or about you.
You stir up negative feelings in yourself all on your own – because no one else has the power to do so, right? – and start feeling them in your body through a tightness in your throat, chest or gut area.
We all have lots and lots of self-talk going on throughout the day – those inner conversations that go on in that space between our ears. And, unfortunately — for the vast majority of us — it is mostly negative! We talk ourselves into and out of doing things, learning more, changing habits and so on through negative self-talk. Because the negative talk is usually more prevalent than positive.
Self-management — in regards to improving your EQ — takes awareness of your own feelings, behaviors and reactions one step further. Self-management is your at-will ability to delay personal gratification, in the name of more personal mastery over strong feelings or urges. In the name of a quiet, more balanced observation of other people around you. In the name of allowing others to shine.
Let’s say, for instance, that you always cave in to your craving to eat chocolate whenever it is available. Typically, you’ll have a thought flash through your head that says, “I want chocolate RIGHT NOW!” And you will grab some chocolate and eat it without further delay. You might ask what eating chocolate has to do with high EQ. It’s not the chocolate that’s at issue here, but the feeling of “craving” it. Part of what successful portion control or food choice is all about is delaying gratification.
Anyone who has been on one or more diets realizes this! That is, you do not cave into that strong feeling of desire for the thing. You put things off, or delay them, at least for a bit. You bite your tongue, you feel[…]”
“As another example, let’s say, for instance, that from a feeling of superiority (a feeling that falls in the category of pride and judgement), when it comes to starting a new project at the office, or doing a family project at home with the children, you just cannot help yourself from controlling exactly how things unfold. You cannot keep yourself from telling every participant in the project how to do their part of the work.
What is more, you tell them how to do it in the detail. And beyond that? You’re always looking over their shoulders to make sure they are they are doing it exactly according to your prescription. No beloved leader of high EQ micro-manages his people like this! So what do you need to do to move out of this low-EQ tendency to reign supreme over everyone else? You need to delay your gratification.
Sure, you may be highly gratified by the feeling of superiority. In much the same way as with a craving for chocolate, you will need to bite your tongue whenever you wish to tell someone that they’re doing things wrong. Instead, you’ll ask them their opinion on how things[…]”
Mindfulness means paying attention , on purpose to the present moment without any judgement. In mindfulness practice you bring focused awareness to a present moment, sensation, thought or feeling. This is without clinging to it. Also without resisting it, to trying to change it. It involves focusing you attention lightly , with gentle acceptance, like a butterfly resting in the palm of your hand. Until the butterfly of course moves away on its own. You attend to the on going flow of experience , gently observing as it rises and falls. Mindfulness is to improve your overall wellbeing. For starters it reduces stress and helps people feel more grounded. mindfulness can be thought of as letting go of suffering. This could even be for just a few moments at a time. When you are practicing mindfulness you are becoming aware of sensations, thoughts, feelings and focusing your attention on your breathing. The breaths you take become an object of concentration. You the witness, help its rise and fall.
By attending to whats happening in our bodies , our awareness settles into the present. In the present you will naturally feel the flow of the breaths you are inhaling and exhaling. If you then become mindful of other things such as thoughts and feelings- you will naturally experience them in the here and now. As well as their flow, they will rise and fall too. Just as the breath does.
Our thoughts are ever changing, sometimes more focused and clear, sometimes more clouded and cluttered. Some of the times are minds are wandering without focus or attention. At other times we are unaware of our thoughts or how those thoughts are impacting are feelings and actions.
When are minds are leaping around from one thought to the next, it is often like a monkey jumping from tree to tree. Mindfulness experts call this “Monkey mind.” Monkey Mind happens when our minds wander. When thoughts can’t seem to stay focused. The thoughts will either jump right to the future or straight to the past. That is racing and worrying thoughts. This can sometimes lead to suffering. Practicing mindfulness makes you aware of your mind. It is a way to tend to the here and now. This provides an alternative to suffering.
Be more aware of your mind and the ongoing process of thinking, noticing all that it says. This means gently observing thinking without any need to react to it.
Cultivate calmness in the presence of unpleasant thoughts. Unhelpful thoughts would be the same thing. Also stay away from challenging feelings.
Feel less stress, worry and rumination.
Be less reactive and more flexible in your approach to life.
Experience improvement in physical health and the quality of the life you are now living.
Practicing mindfulness even for a short while brings your attention to the moment and the the ever-changing experiences of being alive. Sensations, thoughts and feelings can be observed. Rather then, reacted against or engaged by. While observing you begin to act on them freely or not.
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An example of taxonomy is the way living beings are divided up into Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species. An example of taxonomy is the Dewey Decimal system – the way libraries classify non-fiction books by division and subdivisions
There are four taxonomic fundamental components which simplify the process of identification up to species level. These components are identification, characterization, classification and naming.
Carolus Linnaeus The father of taxonomy:
Carl Linnaeus, also known as Carl von Linné or Carolus Linnaeus, is often called the Father of Taxonomy. His system for naming, ranking, and classifying organisms is still in wide use today (with many changes). In the 1700s, he developed a way to name and organize species that we still use today. His two most important contributions to taxonomy were: A hierarchical classification system
What is a dichotomous key?
A dichotomous key is a tool that allows the user to determine the identity of items in the natural world, such as trees, wildflowers, mammals, reptiles, rocks, and fish. Keys consist of a series of choices that lead the user to the correct name of a given item. “Dichotomous” means “divided into two parts”.
In a few days it will be the beginning of a new season, with all the changes that it entails. Now, let’s take the word change and apply it to our personal life to see how this simple word can have a huge impact on our well-being. Where does change begin? The answer is simple: our brain.
Boost your well-being this month by exploring these 5 ideas linked to your brain:
Action words: “When I change my thoughts, I change my life.”
Activity: Meditation. As it promotes concentration, it is a sure way to increase your brain power. Just a few minutes a day are enough for noticeable improvements.
Food: Blueberries. Because they are high in antioxidants, they help protect the brain and improve brain function.
Color: Indigo. Associated to the third-eye chakra, located between the eyebrows, behind the forehead, it is a part of the brain that can be made more powerful through meditation, and leads to greater awareness.
Sounds: Tibetan singing bowls. Listening to recordings of these sounds engages our relaxation reflex and can help to induce a deep meditative state.
Occasional rewards can help you stay on track when you’re working hard to make positive behavior changes. Here are steps you can take
Jump to: Motivate Yourself Reward Balance Self-Reinforcement Positive Activities
If you’re trying to lose weight, get fit, reduce stress or anxiety, stay sober, or manage any type of health condition, you know how much work it takes to change old, ingrained habits, set new goals, and commit to healthier behaviors. Ending old, ingrained habits and committing to healthier ones—like eating better, exercising more and following your doctor’s advice for better mental health—can be challenging to say the least and oftentimes it’s just plain hard to stay motivated.
Reaching your goals and feeling a sense of achievement are certainly the ultimate rewards, but as you’re striving to get there, the intangible reward of better health may not be enough motivation for you to keep up the good work.
“Most of us could use some tangible rewards from time to time, something to provide a lift and keep us going,” says Katrina Firlik, MD, chief medical officer of HealthPrize Technologies and author of Another Day in the Frontal Lobe: A Brain Surgeon Exposes Life on the Inside. “That’s especially true when the work we’re doing to stay healthy is difficult and seemingly never ends.”
One way to stay on track is to give yourself an occasional reward, something to mark milestones and celebrate the positive changes you’re making, big and small. Here are some ideas.
#1. Motivate Yourself from Inside and Out
Mental health experts use the terms intrinsic (internal) and extrinsic (external) when describing motivations to act. Intrinsic motivation comes from within yourself, and often requires no more reward other than performing the act itself. Extrinsic motivation comes from somewhere outside of the act itself.
Think about it in terms of artistic endeavors. Your motivation is intrinsic if you find great enjoyment in painting a picture or writing a poem. At the same time, if your poem is going to be published, or your painting purchased, those are extrinsic motivations. In the same vein, many people find great satisfaction in helping others through volunteer work, participating in athletic events, or pursuing a career in a field of interest, regardless of the pay scale. If you are internally motivated to do something, there is often no need and no particular benefit to an external reward, because that internal reward of personal satisfaction is enough.
#2. Find Your Reward Balance
Life is a balancing act, however, and most people have both internal and external motivations for their choices and behaviors. And most people need, expect, and are motivated by the prospect of some type of reward for their hard work. You need to get paid, even if you love your job. You need to see results if you are making difficult changes in your lifestyle in order to lose weight, get fit, stay sober, or otherwise improve yourself.
When it comes to self-improvement, you already know good physical and mental health is your best reward, but you probably also know that it hasn’t always been enough to sustain your best efforts to change. You need more incentives along the way, something to help you stick with it. It can be as simple as remembering to pat yourself on the back or buying yourself a fun new pen, any small thing that feels positive and makes you feel good.Article continues below
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“When it comes to reinforcing new health-related behaviors, like taking a daily blood pressure pill, for instance, drawing on intrinsic motivation can be difficult, even though avoiding a stroke or heart attack should be reward enough,” says Dr. Firlik. “That’s when external rewards can be particularly helpful, especially in the beginning when you are first establishing a new habit.” Consider treating yourself to a frivolous gift from the pharmacy whenever you’re there on time to refill your prescription, she suggests, something like a fun magazine or a special bar of soap.
#3. Practice Self-Reinforcement
To help make positive self-reward work for you, make a list of things, big and small, that you will truly find rewarding. Keep that list handy so that every time you accomplish even the smallest thing, every time you meet a short-term goal, you can refer to your list. Rewards can be material things or activities. The best reward is one that brings you closer to your goal, like new workout gear when you’re trying to get fit. It’s important to reward yourself only when you’ve earned it, and to match the size of the reward with the size of your accomplishment, so you don’t run out of positive reinforcers and always have something to work towards, something to look forward to.
It’s also important not to choose rewards that could sabotage your long-term goals. If you’re in the process of losing weight, for instance, and you want to reward yourself for practicing portion control all week, it may not be a good idea (yet) to take yourself out to eat at a favorite restaurant. Instead, choose something non-edible, like an inexpensive new scarf or belt or other clothing accessory. On the other hand, if you are at a point where you can be satisfied with just a small serving of ice cream, or any small snack, lose the idea of “forbidden foods” and go ahead and give yourself an edible reward from time to time.
As you sense that your small accomplishments and changes in behavior are becoming permanent new habits, you can give yourself bigger and more trivial rewards. Buy yourself flowers, special beauty or grooming products, a massage, or a piece of jewelry. Take a day off from work for no reason other than to catch up with yourself. When your new habits are firmly entrenched, you can look forward to bigger rewards, like a a more expensive piece of clothing than you would normally buy for yourself or perhaps a long-dreamed of trip abroad.
#4. Choose Positive Activities
“You may find after time that you need fewer material rewards and more positive, routine activities to distract you from negative feelings and help you stay on your chosen path,” suggests Dr. Firlik. That’s good news! A positive diversion can be a new hobby, a new way to exercise, a group or club you’d like to join, a continuing ed class you now have time to attend. Smaller diversions can also help you stay on track whenever you’re feeling bored, upset or a little down. Again, keep a list of activities that you can refer to when you think your emotions are about to get the best of you and you need to focus your mind on something else. Some ideas include writing in a journal, calling a friend, taking a walk, listening to music, washing your car or your dog, or taking a trip to the library or a local museum or gallery. These small diversions can help change your perspective and tide you over until the negativity passes.
Working alongside a toxic person will take a toll on your psychological well-being. These strategies can reduce the damage.
While not every charming person you meet will be a sociopath, if you feel like you’re being manipulated, gaslighted, or otherwise messed with by an exceedingly lovely (read: cunning) person, it is possible you’re becoming the victim of a sociopath’s mind games. Or, at the very least, you’re being strung along by someone with those tendencies. This can be an incredibly disorienting experience, whether it’s happening in your relationship, at work, or in a friendship.So the more you know about sociopaths, and the faster you can get out of manipulative situations, the better.
To help keep yourself out of toxic situations, here are some mind games sociopaths play, and other ways to spot them, according to experts.
1. They’re A Little Too Charming
A classic trait of sociopaths it that they “use charm and manipulation in order to get what they want,” board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Susan L. Edelman, tells Bustle. So if you’re speaking to one, it might feel as if they’re being a little too nice.
They have mastered the art of charming people to get their way. But one way to spot a lack of genuine kindness is to think about how it makes you feel. “At first, you may feel charmed,” Dr. Edelman says, “while later you’ll feel scared or confused.”
It’s important to trust your gut, especially when it comes to meeting new people. If someone is “too” charming or nice, you may want to learn a bit more about them, and take everything they say with a grain of salt.
2. They Show Zero Remorse
Let’s say you were to catch a sociopath in a lie. While most people would admit their wrongdoing and apologize, a true sociopath might go to great lengths to convince you you’re wrong.
“Over time, you’ll notice that this person is very comfortable lying to people and has little or no empathy for other’s feelings,” Dr. Edelman says. “They also don’t show remorse when they hurt others as they have no conscience.”
That’s why, even if you call them out on their lie, or tell them how much the lie affected you, it won’t necessarily stop them from telling a lie again. And they certainly won’t truly care about the negative impact they had.
3. They Blame You For Everything
If you’re being blamed for everything — for example, a partner always tells you arguments are 100 percent your fault — consider it a red flag. As Heller says, “If the sociopath is psychologically savvy, [they] may use psychological concepts to innocently pathologize the target and characterize [them] as the unintentional instigator.”
In other words, when dealing with a sociopath, nothing will ever be their fault. They prefer to blame and manipulate others, instead of owning — or apologizing for — their mistakes.
4. They Try To Confuse You
One way sociopaths are able to manipulate others is by confusing them, and twisting words in their favor — all so they can get their way. For example, “a sociopath might say something, then insist he didn’t say it,” therapist Karen R. Koenig, MEd, LCSW, tells Bustle.
As a partner, a sociopath might deny that they admitted a fear and accuse you of making it up, Koenig says. As a boss, they might claim credit for your successful work. As a coworker, they might spread a rumor about you and act shocked when it comes back around to them.
A sociopath will show no remorse while messing with your head — and they may even seem to enjoy doing so.
As an example, Koenig says they might insist you speak your mind to a friend, and then when your friend becomes offended, they’ll act sympathetic and take your side and say how awfully the friend treated you. This is one way a sociopath’s manipulative behavior may play out. But unfortunately, there are many others.
In a similar vein, if you feel like you can’t “win” an argument with someone, no matter what you say or how reasonable you’re being, it could be of sign of gaslighting— which is a tactic many sociopaths use in order to confuse their victims.
“Gaslighters manipulate your words then use them against you, so you end up saying, ‘But I didn’t mean…’ and keep trying to defend yourself,” Koenig says. “The goal is to invalidate you and make you question your sanity.”
This, again, puts them in a position of power, which is right where sociopaths like to be.
7. They’re A Little Bit Threatening
In an effort to control you, a sociopath might even dish out a threat or two. “Sociopaths often use threats to keep you in their control, such as threats of suicide or saying ‘you’ll be sorry’ for your behavior,” Hershenson says.
They also might give off a threatening vibe because they aren’t being genuine. It can be difficult to spot someone who’s lying or manipulating those around them, and sometimes it’s just all about their “vibe.” If something feels negative, there’s a good chance it is.
8. They Flatter You Endlessly
A sociopath will likely do whatever they can to win you over, and often that means dishing out compliments and flattering remarks. But if you know what to look for, you may be able to spot these compliments as disingenuous.
“Compliments feel good, but [a sociopath’s] flattery feels like too much,” Hershenson says. “Instead of saying they enjoy being with you, a sociopath might say, ‘You are the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I can’t imagine life without you,’ even though you’ve only known them a short time.”
Again, it’s all about trusting your gut. If a person or situation seems too good to be true, they may not be someone you want to get too close to.
9. They Lie And Cheat
Casual and blatant, yet totally incessant lying is a huge sign of sociopathy, and especially so when the lies are helping the person reach an important goal.
“Someone who has sociopathic tendencies has a lack of remorse or regard for others,” Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist and host of The Web radio show, tells Bustle. “They are driven by what gets them towards a goal, and they are not going to play by the same rules of morality and ‘right and wrong’ as you are.”
When it comes to sociopaths, they aren’t going to follow usual codes of conduct, and might give off weird vibes as a result.
10. They Justify Breaking The Law
Because sociopaths (and even people with sociopathic tendencies) can only focus on themselves and their own needs, they rarely think twice before breaking the law. And in the process, they may even try to cover it up by manipulating your reaction.
“They will break rules and laws with strong justification and try to make you believe that if you can’t see how it is OK, something is wrong with you,” Dr. Klapow says. Asociopath will never admit that they did something wrong, or that they’re flawed in any way. If breaking a law benefits them, that’s all they’ll focus on.
11. They’ll Seem Oh So Very Sincere
The tricky thing with sociopaths, is they’re really good at lying, and thus really good at coming off as totally sincere when trying to get their way. Unfortunately, this can include using their talents to come off as genuine — even when they really aren’t.
“They can be quite sophisticated in their approach,” Dr. Klapow says. “You may feel they are being sincere and then turn around and find out they have manipulated your good will and trust. Lying, manipulation, and seduction to get you connected with them are all games the sociopath will play.”
12. They Treat You Differently
“If they seem to be engaging you deeply and emotionally, but have a bad reputation with others, these are all warning signs,” Dr. Klapow says. You might, for example, notice that someone is disliked at work, but for some reason they’re super sweet to you.
“Keep your eyes open and focused not just on how they are treating you and what your interactions with them are like, but how do others see them,” Dr. Klapow says. This can be a big clue, and it can help you see past their veneer.
13. Something “Doesn’t Feel Right”
When dealing with a sociopath, you might not be able to put your finger on what, exactly, is “off” about them. But that feeling, that gut instinct that something’s wrong, will likely still be there.
“With a sociopath, that ‘something is not right’ feeling could be your first and only warning sign,” Dr. Klapow says. “Trust it.”
Because if something feels strange, and you think you’re being lied to, manipulated, or gaslighted, that very well may be true. And when it comes to sociopaths, this is what they’re skill at doing. Anyone can get caught up in a sociopath’s toxicity, but being able to spot the signs can make it easier to keep yourself safe.
When people think of a psychopath, they often conjure up images of serial killers. And while most serial killers likely are psychopaths, many more psychopaths aren’t murderers. In fact, research over the past couple of decades reveals that some psychopaths are successful professionals who excel in the workplace.
Unfortunately, that means there’s a chance you might find yourself working next to a psychopath. And while a psychopathic co-worker might not pose any physical danger to you, there certainly is a big emotional risk.
Dealing with a workplace psychopath can take a toll on your psychological well-being. And it could hurt your career if you’re not careful. Learning how to spot a workplace psychopath and understanding how to deal with one can reduce some of the damage.
How to Spot a Successful Psychopath
A 2010 study published in the Journal of Research and Personality titled “The Search of the Successful Psychopath” examined what separates psychopaths who become criminals from psychopaths who succeed in business.
Researchers concluded that successful psychopaths share the same core features as other psychopaths. They’re arrogant, dishonest, and callous. They experience little remorse, minimize self-blame, exploit people, and exhibit shallow affect.
What made successful psychopaths different was their level of conscientiousness. Psychopaths who become criminals rank low in this personality trait. Successful psychopaths, however, rank higher in conscientiousness.
Ranking higher in conscientiousness means that successful psychopaths are less impulsive, negligent, and irresponsible than the psychopaths who live a life of crime. That doesn’t mean successful psychopaths are always law-abiding citizens, however. They just might be smart enough not to get caught.
Psychopaths are most often male. But that doesn’t mean you’ll never encounter a female psychopath. Although they’re not as common, they do exist and they can be just as harmful as male psychopaths.
Why Psychopaths Sometimes Succeed in the Workplace
Psychologists estimate 1 percent of the population meets the criteria for psychopathy. Yet about 3 percent of business leaders may be psychopaths. By comparison, an estimated 15 percent of prison inmates are estimated to be psychopaths.
So why would a disproportionate number of business leaders be psychopaths? Researchers suspect their characteristics and behavior may give them some competitive advantages in the workplace.
For example, they’re quite charming. That can come in quite handy when someone is looking to network with powerful people.
They also have a grandiose sense of self. When they say they can skyrocket the company to new heights, they believe it. And they often convince others that they’re capable and competent too.
They’re also good at manipulating people. They know how to use guilt and flattery to get what they want.
How to Deal With a Psychopath
Whether you’re convinced your boss is a psychopath or you’re concerned your colleague is a psychopath, there’s a good chance that you’ve encountered at least one psychopath in the workplace.
Switching teams, changing departments, or finding a new job altogether may not feel like an option. But it’s best to avoid psychopaths whenever possible because working alongside a toxic person will take a toll on your psychological well-being.
If you must deal with a psychopath, try these five strategies:
1. Keep Your Emotions in Check
No matter how frustrated or upset you feel, keep your emotions in check. Losing your cool gives a psychopath more power over you, as he’ll see that he can manipulate your emotions. Present a calm demeanor at all times.
2. Don’t Show That You’re Intimidated
Psychopaths often use intimidation to control others. A psychopath may make subtle threats, stand over you while you’re talking, or use aggressive language to get you to back down. Stand your ground in an assertive manner, and report incidents of bullying or harassment to human resources.
3. Don’t Buy Into Their Stories
Psychopaths often use long-winded tales to paint themselves as victims. They often blame other people and refuse to take any responsibility for their wrongdoing. Showing sympathy for them plays into their hand, so keep discussions centered on facts only.
4. Turn the Conversation Back on Them
Pointing out a psychopath’s flaws can be the best way to disarm them. So when a psychopath blames someone else, turn the conversation back on them. Say something like, “Are you doing OK today? I saw how you responded in the meeting today and I wonder if you might be stressed out.”
5. Opt for Online Communication Whenever You Can
A 2016 study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that psychopaths excel at negotiating when they’re communicating face-to-face. Online conversations make it difficult–if not impossible–for them to charm their way into a better deal. So consider requesting all communication occur via email if you can.
Build Your Mental Strength
If you can’t escape daily interaction with a psychopath, it’s especially important to work on building your mental muscles. Get proactive about taking care of yourself and managing your stress.
If you’re struggling, consider talking to a mental health professional. It’s difficult to stay mentally strong when you’re working alongside a toxic person.
A typically healthy person may have difficulty understanding someone who is suffering from anorexia. – After all, why would anyone want to consciously starve themselves? It’s critical, then, that an understanding of the way anorexia manipulates the mind and cause issues with body image acceptance, be achieved in order to better understand such patients. Developing an understanding also helps avoid pushing them even further into their illness.
Anyone suffering from issues stemming from body image acceptance has difficulty correlating the person they see in the mirror with the person they see in their head. The version of themselves that exists internally will override even the direst physical issues, issues that are obvious to everyone but them. Whether it is because of a need to exert control over at least one aspect of their lives or because they feel the need for approval, the nature of the eating disorder quickly overtakes a person through an obsession with their weight, the calories they consume and the amount of exercise they perform. This obsession becomes the cornerstone of an individual with anorexia. Other activities and interests fall by the wayside.
Anorexia leads sufferers to believe that even healthy foods are bad for them, even if there is no logical evidence to support these beliefs. In fact there can be nothing but evidence to the contrary, but the person suffering from anorexia does not listen to reason and will assert their irrational claims regardless. This disease twists even the most logical arguments a loved one can pose – and the person suffering from this disease will become more obstinate the harder they are pressed.
They can even begin to notice their body’s cries for help – weakness, fatigue, feeling faint – and interpret them as positive, even desirable. Instead of reading these as signs that they need to care for themselves, they strive for these symptoms and will associate them with success.
It’s key to remember that although expressions of concern are natural, a person suffering from anorexia can interpret these expressions as positive reinforcement. Just as feeling faint and looking gaunt are something to strive for, hearing others express concern only seems to reinforce that individual’s belief that they are succeeding.
Because anorexia is so all consuming, it cannot be effectively treated by the average person. Medical supervision, along with therapy to assess and treat the root causes of the disease and its effects on the brain are necessary if a person suffering from this disease is to recover.
Mental health refers to our cognitive, behavioral, and emotional wellbeing – it is all about how we think, feel, and behave. The term ‘mental health‘ is sometimes used to mean an absence of a mental disorder. Mental health can affect daily life, relationships, and even physical health.
There are three main laws for conscious creation. They are the law of attraction, the law of detachment and the law of God Action. When you know these three laws, you’ll be able to create your perfect reality like a master. This trinity of laws form the perfect creation of all reality. You would experience what you would call the perfect life by using these three laws together.
Perfection is the result of the perfect working of universal forces. Perfect understanding of universal forces enables perfect reality creation.
The law of attraction states that energy attracts like energy, and what you focus your mind on is what you attract. Knowing the law of attraction is the first step that turns you into a conscious creator of your reality. You know that you create everything with the power of intention.
You become conscious of how everything you experience is created by you. With the awareness of this universal law, you become awakened and live life like a lucid dreamer. You are creating consciously instead of unconsciously. The law of detachment states that creation is free to be worked on by the universal mind when you mentally and emotionally detach from your intention. Knowing this law enables you to allow your creation work to happen without sabotaging it.
Spirit is free and unbounded, therefore when you let go of your intention, you are expressing your true nature as a free spirit. By resonating as your true self, you allow it to carry out the work of creation fully. Detachment allows your creation work to happen unhindered.
The law of God Action states that it is the universe itself that is creating through you. Knowing this law enables you to allow all your creation work to be guided by a higher power. You know that your existence in this dimension is simply a channel for the universal mind to express itself through. Your personal creation is meant to be a portion of the universal creation that is in progress. When you create from this level, your intentions are in alignment with your higher self, therefore everything works out perfectly.
Awareness of each of these laws enables you to be conscious on a certain level. Those who know the law of attraction without knowing the law of detachment will wonder why their intentions keep failing to manifest. They are not conscious that they are getting in the way by interfering too much with the manifestation process. Being aware of the law of detachment enables you to be conscious that it is not your conscious mind but your subconscious mind that creates. Your creation becomes more effortless.
Those who know the law of attraction and law of detachment without knowing the law of God Action will wonder why certain things are still not happening for them. They’re not conscious that everything is really going their way in the higher scheme of things. Being aware of the law of God Action enables you to be conscious that the work of creation is taking place through you from a higher level of reality. Everything is happening in accordance with divine order and timing. Your creation operation becomes perfect.
Understanding each law gives you better understanding of the other laws, because these three laws function as one. Everything is really the law of attraction. When you do not detach, you are attracting both your desire and the absence of it. When you have an intention to create something, you are simultaneously creating the absence of it. Because if it already existed, you wouldn’t be intending to create it. Detachment resolves the duality by letting go of the intention while still attracting it into manifestation.
Knowing that everything is God in Action enables you to understand the truth about detachment. When you detach, you let go and let God take over. The intention of your higher self is communicated to you through your heart’s desire. Focusing on your true desire instead of your fear attracts it to you. You then detach from the intention and turn it over again to your higher self. All true intentions come from your higher self and return to your higher self to be worked on. All that you have to do is be in alignment.
You sometimes attract what you do not think you are intending because it is the result of the intentions of your higher self. The law of attraction is always functioning in perfect harmony with the law of God action. Whatever that you or your higher self is intending is always attracted into your life.
The intentions of your higher self are the primary attracting power. Your higher self works everything out for you. Detachment is for the purpose of surrendering to your higher self as well as divine order and timing.
Be, do and have. Everything that you have is the result of what you attracted. Creation follows a rhythm of doing and non-doing. You mentally act when you intend, and you mentally rest when you detach. Everything that you do or intend comes from a place of being when you are following your heart’s desire.
Understanding the three laws is how you are able to be, do and have according to universal harmony and perfection. Be first, then do and have. Be inspired, then intend and detach, and have fulfillment. You create everything that you experience whether consciously or unconsciously.
Knowledge is awareness and the more you have it, the more of a conscious creator you will be. Your level of awareness determines your level of reality creation. Knowing the law of attraction is the first level of being a conscious creator. Knowing the law of detachment is the next level. Knowing the law of God Action is the highest level of all. When you know all the three laws, you can create your reality perfectly at all levels.
The great secret of speeding things up , lies in the organization in which is goes. I think that no longer how you begin to speed these up you know that there will Always be a time gap between the time in which it sped up and slowed down.
For more than a decade, heart disease and cancer have claimed the first and second spots respectively as the leading causes of deaths in America. Together, the two causes are responsible for 46 percentTrusted Source of deaths in the United States.
Combined with the third most common cause of death — chronic lower respiratory diseases — the three diseases account for halfTrusted Source of all deaths in the United States.
For more than 30 years, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has been collecting and examining causes of death. This information helps researchers and doctors understand if they need to address growing epidemics in healthcare.
The numbers also help them understand how preventive measures may help people live longer and healthier lives.
The top 12 causes of death in the United States account for more than 75 percent of all deaths. Learn about each of the main causes and what can be done to prevent them.
More common among: Each type of cancer has a specific set of risk factors, but several risk factors are common among multiple types. These risk factors include:
people of a certain age
people who use tobacco and alcohol
people exposed to radiation and a lot of sunlight
people with chronic inflammation
people who are obese
people with a family history of the disease
What causes cancer?
Cancer is the result of rapid and uncontrolled cell growth in your body. A normal cell multiplies and divides in a controlled manner. Sometimes, those instructions become scrambled. When this happens, the cells begin to divide at an uncontrolled rate. This can develop into cancer.
Tips for prevention
There’s no clear way to avoid cancer. But certain behaviors have been linked to increased cancer risk, like smoking. Avoiding those behaviors may help you cut your risk. Good changes to your behaviors include things like:
Maintain a healthy weight. Eat a balanced diet and exercise regularly.
Quit smoking and drink in moderation.
Avoid direct exposure to the sun for extended periods of time. Don’t use tanning beds.
Have regular cancer screenings, including skin checks, mammograms, prostate exams, and more.
people over age 65 (the risk for Alzheimer’s doubles every five years after age 65)
people with a family history of the disease
What causes Alzheimer’s disease?
The cause of Alzheimer’s disease is unclear, but researchers and doctors believe a combination of a person’s genes, lifestyle, and environment impacts the brain over time. Some of these changes occur years, even decades, before the first symptoms appear.
Tips for prevention
While you can’t control your age or genetics, which are two of the most common risk factors for this disease, you can control certain lifestyle factors that may increase your risk for it by doing the following:
Exercise more often than not. Remain physically active throughout your life.
Eat a diet filled with fruits, vegetables, healthy fats, and reduced sugar.
Treat and monitor any other chronic diseases you have.
Keep your brain active with stimulating tasks like conversation, puzzles, and reading.
people with a family history of the disease, or a specific gene that increases the risk
children between the ages of 4 and 7
people living in climates farther away from the equator
Type 2 diabetes is more common among:
people who are overweight or obese
adults over age 45
people who have a family history of diabetes
What causes diabetes?
Type 1 diabetes occurs when your pancreas can’t produce enough insulin. Type 2 diabetesoccurs when your body becomes resistant to insulin or doesn’t make enough of it to control your blood sugar levels.
Tips for prevention
You can’t prevent type 1 diabetes. However, you may prevent type 2 diabetes with several lifestyle changes, like the following:
Reach and maintain a healthy weight.
Exercise for at least 30 minutes, five days a week.
Eat a healthy diet with plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins.
Have regular blood sugar checks if you have a family history of the disease.
people with a history of depression and other mental health conditions
people who misuse alcohol or drugs
What causes suicide?
Suicide, or intentional self-harm, is death caused by a person’s own actions. People who die by suicide direct harm at themselves and die due to that harm. Almost 500,000Trusted Source people are treated in emergency rooms each year for self-inflected injuries.
Tips for prevention
Suicide prevention aims to help people find treatment that encourages them to end suicidal thoughts and start finding healthier ways to cope.
For many people, suicide prevention includes finding a support system of friends, family, and other people who’ve contemplated suicide. In some cases, medication and in-hospital treatment may be necessary.
Septicemia is the result of a bacterial infection in the bloodstream. It’s sometimes called blood poisoning. Most cases of septicemia develop after an infection somewhere else in the body becomes severe.
Tips for prevention
The best way to prevent septicemia is to have any bacterial infections treated quickly and thoroughly. If you think you may have an infection, make an appointment with your doctor. Complete the full treatment regimen prescribed by your doctor.
Early and thorough treatment can help prevent the spread of any bacterial infection to the blood.
Though it’s the most common cause, heart disease deaths have been falling over the last 50 years. However, in 2011, the number of deaths from heart disease began to slowly rise. Between 2011 and 2014, heart disease deaths rose 3 percentTrusted Source.
Deaths from influenza and pneumonia are also falling. According to the American Lung Association, deaths from the two diseases dropped an average of 3.8 percent per year since 1999.
The gap between heart disease and cancer was once much wider. Heart disease’s hold on the number one spot was wide and demanding.
Then, American health experts and doctors began encouraging Americans to curb smoking, and they started treating heart disease. Because of these efforts, the number of heart disease-related deaths has been falling over the last five decades. Meanwhile, the number of cancer-related deaths has been rising.
Just over 22,000 deaths separate the two causes today. Many researchers suspect cancer may overtake heart disease as the leading cause of death in coming years.
Accidental deaths are also on the rise. From 2010 to 2014, the number of accident-related deaths increased by 23 percentTrusted Source. This number is fueled largely by substance overdose deaths.
While you can’t prevent every cause of death, you can do a lot to lower your risks. Many of the leading causes of death, both in the United States and worldwide, are preventable with lifestyle changes.
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