Know that if you do not know that your boundaries are different from others, then your self esteem might be at stake. You stand on the foundation of your boundaries. It supports your decisions, your willingness to do things, and all of your relationships, including the one you have with You.
Differentiation is the willingness to act different from your “tribe” members. That being said, the way you think, feel, act, all has to be different. You are not a follower, you are yourself. You must have boundaries and you must have healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries are your personal indicator that you are differentiating yourself.
How did you learn that you were you? That wonderful, playful, spontaneous, joyful, creative and energetic person that you are or were as a child. You were not a mini version of someone else, you were not being compared to someone else and you were not unique in a way that others cultivated or insisted upon it.
You wanted to flourish based on your own thoughts and your own feelings and perceptions. Whatever you must have experienced , you must have considered it to be normal, because it was all that you knew. You are free to see things now as they really are.
Perhaps, you were raised in a family, that has rigid boundaries. This was the case if people barely felt how they actually feel. They focused more on what others thought of themselves. This type of family dynamic will say that they are close when they are far from it.
Perhaps you were raised in a family with chaotic or diffused boundaries. In this type of environment, decisions are based on feelings and not facts. Even when the facts would or could have been helpful for the family dynamic. This high of intensity means that children at a young age do not tend to think, feel and act for themselves.
Perhaps you were abandoned, threatened with abandonment. You may have been neglected somehow. Perhaps, you were not comfortable with reassurance when you needed it. You might have felt overwhelmed. You deserved to be comforted , reassured and often reminded how precious you were at a young age. You might have had a hard time finding who you were if you felt this way very young, feeling not wanted.
Now, forgive yourself.
Owner and Founder At The Goddess Bibles A Memoir By Laura Zukerman
Becoming Your Inner Goddess
Goddess on Fire